SPOTLIGHT STORY

SPOTLIGHT STORY - TAMAR

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A WOMAN LIVING IN SHAME

The Rape of Tamar

(II Samuel 13:1-22)

^{1Davids son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. 2Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible that he could ever fulfill his love for her.}

3Now Amnon had a very crafty friend his cousin Jonadab. He was the son of Davids brother Shimea. 4One day Jonadab said to Amnon, Whats the trouble? Why should the son of a king look so dejected morning after morning?

So Amnon told him, I am in love with Tamar, Absaloms sister.
^{5Well, Jonadab said, Ill tell you what to do. Go back to bed and pretend you are sick. When your father comes to see you, ask him to let Tamar come and prepare some food for you. Tell him you'll feel better if she feeds you.
6So Amnon pretended to be sick. And when the king came to see him, Amnon asked him, Please let Tamar come to take care of me and cook something for me to eat. 7So David agreed and sent Tamar to Amnons house to prepare some food for him.
8When Tamar arrived at Amnons house, she went to the room where he was lying down so he could watch her mix some dough. Then she baked some special bread for him. 9But when she set the serving tray before him, he refused to eat. Everyone get out of here, Amnon told his servants. So they all left. 10Then he said to Tamar, Now bring the food into my bedroom and feed it to me here. So Tamar took it to him. 11But as she was feeding him, he grabbed her and demanded, Come to bed with me, my darling sister.
12No, my brother! she cried. Dont be foolish! Dont do this to me! You know what a serious crime it is to do such a thing in Israel. 13Where could I go in my shame? And you would be called one of the greatest fools in Israel. Please, just speak to the king about it, and he will let you marry me.
14But Amnon wouldn't listen to her, and since he was stronger than she was, he raped her. 15Then suddenly Amnons love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her. Get out of here! he snarled at her.
16No, no! Tamar cried. To reject me now is a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.}
But Amnon wouldnt listen to her. ¹⁷He shouted for his servant and demanded, Throw this woman out, and lock the door behind her!
^{18So the servant put her out. She was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the kings virgin daughters. 19But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying.
20Her brother Absalom saw her and asked, Is it true that Amnon has been with you? Well, dont be so upset. Since he's your brother anyway, don't worry about it. So Tamar lived as a desolate woman in Absaloms house. 21When King David heard what had happened, he was very angry. 22And though Absalom never spoke to Amnon about it, he hated Amnon deeply because of what he had done to his sister.}

SALVATION FROM SHAME

Guilt says:

I did something wrong. (Behavioral)

Shame says:

There is

something wrong with me.

THE CYCLE OF SHAME

Listed to the right of this page are some attitudes and behaviors that reveal to us when a person might be living in shame. We have all been there at one time or the other in our lives. Shame is a "real" emotional disorder that can stop you from moving forward if it goes untreated. Healing must occur before a person with shame-based thinking can walk in the fullness of Gods plan.

As you read through the indicators of shame there are four common themes: low self esteem; hiding; facades (masks); judgmental. These feelings and actions are so detrimental to you because they block you from seeing your divine fulfillment. They are all elements of darkness. There is a never ending cycle ahead for people who will not allow God to cleanse them of this devil orchestrated weight called shame.

SHAME >>>>REJECTION>>>>REBELLION>>>>RUN AWAY>>>>SHAME

In the cycle above you can clearly see that when shame is left unhealed, it leads to rejection, that leads to rebellion, that leads to running away that leads back to shame. Unless this cycle is broken divine fulfillment is no where in ones future. Our goal should always be to fulfill Gods divine purpose for our lives. SHAME HAS NO PLACE IN THE LIFE OF A BELIEVER!

As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame". Romans 10:11

Indicators Of Shame

THE INDICATOR

THE PROBLEM

If you feel you have to be perfect

Not wanting others to see your flaws; how one gets their self-esteem

If you practice blaming others

Hiding who you are

If you have any addiction

Hiding pain; medicating to keep from facing where you are

If you run when things go wrong

Hiding to save you embarrassment

If you practice criticizing others

Really talking about yourself

If you act like other people want you to act

Not being true to yourself

If you feel rejected

Feeling of zero worth

If you freeze-up emotionally

Walking in total shame; comfortably numb (frozen feelings)

If you possess a fear of exposure

Low self-esteem; hiding behind mask

If you don't like what you see when you look at yourself

Feeling that others will not or cannot like you either

If you are afraid of commitment

Not wanting others to do personal evaluation; have already reached a shame conclusion

If you need to always have titles and duties

Used to acquire self-esteem

If you suffer from paranoia

Judging others; not trusting of anybody

If you practice acting like the victim when something goes wrong

Self pity; shifting all the blame to others; unwilling to expose self

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

What sin(s) were committed in the above bible story?
What was Amnon really feeling for Tamar?
What was Tamar's emotional state throughout this story?
Why do you feel that David responded the way he did?
Looking through the eyes of Tamar (a woman) what lessons did you learn?